So every year for New Years I go to Cabo San Lucas Mexico. I’ve been doing this for the last couple of years and the other day while sitting on the beach I was reminded of this story…
Every night while in Cabo my sister, my dad and I proceeded to get wasted. We were on vacation from all our busy lives so it seemed more than appropriate. On one of these said nights we ended up at Cabo Wabo. In case you didn’t know it’s Sammy Hagar’s club. It’s usually full of a bunch of douche bags wearing Ed Hardy shirts with fake tans but the drinks are cheap and there is a pretty rad cover band that plays a bunch of 80’s rock.
So we role (stumble) in there with no real intentions except getting even more intoxicated. As we sat down I notice this cute blonde about two tables away (it could have been one I was a little drunk). I proceed to eye fuck the shit out of her. She reciporcates said eye fucking so I go over and talk to her for a bit. I guess we didn’t really talk so much, instead we were just making out. This from what I recall is around 2:00 AM. My dad and sister had had enough of watching me suck face with this random so they informed me they were just gonna go back to the house. I was completly ok with this and said goodbye to them.
It’s at this time where I’m gonna show you a map of Cabo San Lucas, it’ll be a good reference for the rest of the story.
So Cabo Wabo is basically on the corner of Madero and Blvd Marina by Plaze Nautica. That is where the making out was happening. Now we decided that was take this making out to the next level. We couldn’t go back to my house (because of the Fam being there) so I suggest her hotel. Great idea if I say so myself. Now Cabo is not too big so we just decide to walk. On the way to her place (Terra Sol Beach Resort by the way) we get really horny and decide to commence banging in an alley near Hotel Plaza Las Glorias. Well the security guard walikng around there didn’t appreciate some drunk American guy and a Canadian girl (did I mention she was Canadian) were banging in his alley so he threatend to call the cops. I gave him my last ten dollars (this something to remember) and we got the fuck out of there.
After about a half hour drunken stumble we finally arrive at her hotel, now I was think “Rad time to bang in the hotel room”. I thought wrong. She also was down there with her family and they were all in their room. Fuck, time to explore other options. Well wouldn’t you know it there is a big fucking beach right there by her hotel, that’ll work just fine. I mean we were banging in a dirty alley, the beach will be romantic and shit. We walk through the lobby and out to the beach. Now I have had the experiance of sex on the beach and it’s not as great as it seems, sand gets everywhere and it usually ends up with some amount of chaffing. Now, me being the brilliant guy that I am, I grab a (heavy) lounge chair from the pool and drag that big ass lounge chair down by the water.
Cabo is not know for it’s wave so I figure going down by the water just over the hill will be no big deal. We start making sweet, akward beach, I just met you sex (it actually was really good for the both of us). After round two I put my clothes back on, she on the other hand is still naked with her clothes, purse (that had all her money, passport, ID’s, camera, cell phone and credit cards in it by the way) next to the lounge chair. Now I’m feeling generous so I decide it is time for round three. We start making out and she start blowing me (what a nice girl). As she is sitting there (facing away from the water) with my manhood in her mouth I hear water crashing behind me and I think to myself, “that sounds like a big wave”, I was way fucking right. Two seconds later I get a rushing feeling come up my spine, no it wasn’t premature ejaculation kicking in, it was the water. We both jump up from the cool water hitting us, but no big deal it’s just fucking water right? Well the getting wet part was no big deal but the fact that the receading wave took her purse along with it, that was a big deal. Did I mention her purse along with having her life in it was also black, oh yeah her purse was black too. And I see it go scooting right on by us, my current vixen of the evening runs (naked) down the beach after it. Me, being the hero I am, run after it as well.
Please note I am fully clothed at this point with my camera, wallet, cigarettes and lucky rabbits foot in my shorts. I see the purse rush down the beach and into the water, I figure at this point, “that fuckers gone”. Well not so much, it just happend to be one of those snap together purses (turns out they float pretty well). I see the little gold snaps ever so slightly gleaming in the water catching just a little bit of light from the hotel balconies. This purse is attemping to pull a wilson on me (you know from the movie Castaway) but I’m not gonna let this happen (refer back to the hero comment). So I lunge after the purse, meanwhile I’m holding my very precious digital camera above my head. I miss at the first attempt. The water is getting deeper, the second attempt, JACKPOT. But now my head is under water. As I keeping this fucking purse and my camera above water I’m think to myself, “this is how drunk coeds in Cabo die”. I manage to semi catch a wave back to where I am not almost drowning under water.
What happened to the girl you may ask? She was busy getting tossed around like clothes in a spin cycle (still naked). I drag my soaked, tired, still kinda drunk ass back to the safety of the dry beach and sit down and contemplate the near death experiance I just had. I couldn’t help but laugh when I see this soaking wet naked girl stumbling up the beach as well. “Here’s your purse” “Oh my gosh ehh (Canadian remeber) thank you so much”. I reply “I’m tired now and I going home”.
Does she let me just leave? Of course not, she makes me drag that heavy ass lounge chair back up to the hotel, then she lets me leave. Don’t get me wrong this chick was super rad, but I had become fed up with the whole being wet thing. Oh and all the stuff in her purse was completely dry, my camera slightly wet, cigarettes soaked, wallet wet as fuck, lucky rabbits foot I guess it sacraficed itself to the ocean while saving my life (good thing it wasn’t my lucky R2D2, then I would have been real upset).
I kiss the girl goodbye and venture out of the hotel squishy squashing my the whole way out of there. Now please refer back to the map, I’m at Terra Sol my house on the other hand is way over on Preseo del Pescador (basically on the “B” in Pueblo Bonita Resort). That’s a pretty good walk, but hey I can just get a cab right? WRONG, remember I gave my last ten dollars to bribe the security guard in the alley. Turns out ten dollars is the magic price to get a cab anywhere in Cabo. So fuck it I walk all the way back to the house.
I finally arrive to our house, strip off my wet, sandy clothes and head up to my room and pass the fuck out from drunkeniss and exhaustion. The next morning my dad asks me how the night went and why the fuck it looked like a beach exploded on the front porch. I told him it was a long story turned over and slept for a couple more hours.
Morale of the story, always have a snap water proof purse while baning on the beach and carry cab fare in your shoe.